Mothers are drowning and self care is not the answer

“Self care seems to be the rave and hot topic lately. Almost every major blog or website is talking about self care being the answer to many mommy problems. Somehow long baths, mani and pedis after a long day of work and/or parenting is what every mom needs to restore balance. Timelines are flooded with “advice” for those of us who are drowning in large amounts of stress, pressure and expectations.

The thing is self care doesn’t work! Now don’t get me wrong as a SAHM I love the evenings and early mornings while my kids are asleep. The stillness is amazing and does wonders. Taking baths and getting my nails done definitely relaxes me for however long they take to be completed. Self care can definitely restore the calmness that we may need for the moment. But once you set foot back into mothering, that bath doesn’t matter, those pretty nails mean nothing while you submerge them in soapy dish water and your toddler is crying for a cup of water. Self care is a temporary solution to a big problem.

Women are drowning because they lack support systems. They lack family willing to help. They lack partnerships that allow them adequate time to decompress from being a mom. Most of self care is done as an after thought. It’s done after you cook the kids dinner, after you get the kids in bed, after, after, after you do everything for everyone else.”