I Asked For a Raise—It Was Horrible

And if you research strategies about how to ask for a raise, that’s probably what you’ve been led to believe, too. The story goes, if you can prepare the pitch, nail the timing, and dig up the courage to have that conversation, then you’ll clear the hurdle, because you did what only 60% of women do—you asked.

But is that really the whole story? Ask, and you shall receive? Probably not. According to a recent study by LeanIn.Org and McKinsey & Co., more and more women are asking for raises, but are frequently perceived as “aggressive” and “intimidating” as a result.

The truth is, the hardest part about asking for a raise is often what comes after. Asking is only the beginning—the rest is in the response. And sometimes, no matter how well you prepare, the response can still go terribly wrong.”